AFX            A slightly risqué story

When I worked for Plessey Radar at Wattisham in Suffolk, we had a demure young lady who applied for and got the job as a secretary to the Site Manager and the Chief Inspector.  This girl was the daughter of a senior Gas Board official.  I can't remember her name, but I'll call her Pamela.  She was a delightful young woman, but I don't think I have ever met a more naive and unworldly female, than this lass.  Her filing system was, to put it mildly, unique.  A letter from the 'MoD' would be filed under "M".  If another letter from 'Modern  Furniture Ltd' required filing, it was put under "O" as "M" was already used.  I didn't learn of the more-complicated parts of her system, but I expect they were beyond my understanding as I was only a simple Comms Technician.

But the story I have to tell, is nothing to do with what I have said above.  The Site Manager was a retired RAF Squadron Leader, and always acted with correctness and decorum.  But the Chief Inspector was a rather different type of character.  His first wife was killed in an air raid in WW2.  He remarried a French woman and, by all accounts, it was a stormy marriage.  If ever Con was not seen for a week or two, it was always suggested that he had murdered his wife and was in custody.  His name "Con" matched his style.  I imagine it was short for "Connolly", but I never heard him called anything other than 'Con'.

Con Hall was a likeable type, he used to umpire cricket matches as a hobby.  He told me on one occasion that a batsman argued with him that he was not out.  Con's response was  "Look in tomorrow's paper, and you will see that I am right.  It'll be there in black and white".  But back to the main story.   One Friday Pamela was complaining that she was hard up.  Con had an answer, as always.
"Why don't you go to Ipswich tomorrow evening and cock your hoop?"
"What do you mean, Mr Hall?"  Pamela never called any of us by our first name.  It was always "Mr, whatever"
"It's a bit complicated", said Con "Ask you Dad and he will explain"

I've never heard the term before or since.  But it doesn't take a lot of imagination to work out what "cocking you hoop" meant.  Come Monday morning Pamela stormed into the office:  "Mr Hall, you are disgusting.  I did as you said and asked my father what you meant.  He was not amused, he suggested that i should give in my notice."

She didn't, as I believe that our environment was something she enjoyed.  One or two of our group were dishy lads, and probably she liked the company.

A bit more about Con.  When he was working in Malaysia, his French wife became very ill.  Plessey returned him to the UK where Con nursed his wife for a couple of weeks before she died.  He returned to Malaysia and married the daughter of a wealthy hotel owner.  He told me that he had to convert to Islam to marry the woman.  "There was nothing to it" he said.

I think Con could see some real money coming his way when his Malaysian wife passed on.  Like the Devil himself, I expect Con is immortal.  A lovable rogue!