ADZ        A North American visiting Britain        22 April 2006

This essay is to try and give a North American some ideas on what to expect if they consider visiting Britain.  A few warning tips included.  You are likely to choose between two options, you can do; the routine "Europe Visit" where you look at the date to decide which country you are in.  On this type of visit  you will be taken by bus from the airport (probably Heathrow) to your hotel and then get carted around the highlights of London like Buckingham Palace, the Tower of London and Hampton Court (I was born within two miles of that place).  The alternative would be to take an "adventure holiday" in Britain.  I'm not talking about the sort of adventure that you could get in Iraq, I'm suggesting something a little more modest like a driving holiday.  I have had several of this sort of holiday in the USA.  You will meet the people and see things that Tour Companies are unlikely to show you.

I don't want to be negative about this country, but you must be aware that Britain is an expensive country.  We are not the most expensive in Europe, that is probably Iceland.  But if you compare our prices  with the USA or Canada, we are pricey.   Pooh Bear summed it up well: "take some honey and plenty of money".  I will deal with prices a bit more below.

Whether you rent a car at the airport, or arrange for a car by some other method, is purely at your discretion.  The prices probably won't be a lot different.  Certainly get Collision Damage Waiver as it gives you a lot more peace of mind.

You are almost certainly know; we drive on the wrong side of the road.  When leaving a cafe or other stopping-place, you could forget to get onto the right side of the road.  So I suggest you put a card on the driver's seat every time you get out of the car.  The card will say "keep to the left" in big letters.  It is so easy to forget as you return to the car talking with your companion about some aspect of strangeness you have just witnessed.  It could be the difference between life and death!

Another difference over here is that you may only pass (we call it "overtake) a slower vehicle on the offside (on the right).  This rule is not rigorously policed, but it is becoming more and more of an issue over here.  You could be unlucky and find a copper who is looking for trouble.   You could even find a pig who is looking for a fight with a foreigner and suddenly swerves left as you "undertake" him.  Generally though, our police are lenient on visitors.  (The "undertake" is a slang word meaning to pass on the wrong side of a car.  The term was used once in an adverting slogan "Undertakers use undertakes".  An 'undertaker' is our word for a mortician.

Another warning, speed cameras are springing up like weeds.  It's a hot political subject in this country with a lot of people claiming they are intended to be a source of funding for cash-strapped local authorities.  I don't know how they follow up fining overseas drivers, if they do that at all.  Certainly there are moves to allow a follow-up on erring motorists across the EU.

I am working on the assumption you will have similar interests to me.  If I'm wrong then this essay will need a lot of interpreting.  But I will proceed on my assumption.

It is essential that you get a good road map.  It might be cheaper to stop at the first convenient service station than take what you can get at the airport.  Airport prices are always extortionate.  As a very good general rule, the south of the country is more expensive than the Midlands and the North.  Here in Nottingham we are in the East Midlands and it is one of the cheapest regions that I know.  If you fancy a trip into Wales, drive up the M1 and join the M6 and head westwards for north or central Wales.  A lot of Welsh is spoken in the north with the language almost absent in the south.  But don't worry you'll have to search very hard to find a Welshman who doesn't speak good English.  Many speak it a lot better than some of the youngsters in Nottingham  If you leave the airport intent on getting into Wales, you would drive westward along the M4 and end up in South Wales (not New South Wales, I must add).  We sometimes refer to Wales as "the Far East" because you can't go any further east than Wales without getting back into England

Now one of the things to remember is you are looking for a meal while you are on the road, avoid Motorway Service Stations.  The food is poor and very expensive.  You won't get poisoned, but it will be just  --  poor!  You have to remember that you are paying for the upkeep of a 24-hour facility with many people just stop to use the toilet.  Avoid the use of the word "bathroom", you could fall into the trap one American did years ago when leaving South Wimbledon Underground station  He walked a mile and found a public bath house.  Many of the motorway services have a travel lodge on the site.  They are moderately priced and clean.  But you will have to leave the lodge to get food at the service cafe.  I have other suggestions below.

Do as I do; if you are travelling on a motorway and it's near lunch time, head for the nearest big town.  You will find pubs of all sizes at road junctions.  And it is very rare to find a pub these days that doesn't serve food.  It will be better quality than a motorway services, AND a lot cheaper.  What you call "beer" we call "lager".  There is a technical difference.

If you have chosen a particular place you want to visit, simply head for that place.  If you look like having to stay overnight en route, you have two options.  One, pick a bed and breakfast house that takes your fancy.  Along many roads in rural areas you will see a board outside a house with the letters "B & B" on it .  This is a common way of the housewife making a few bob on the side.  Almost all of these B&Bs are clean and fair value.  Quite a lot of them do an evening meal.  Don't be afraid to ask to see the room before you commit yourself.  The family may invite you to share the lounge in the evening and watch the box with them, others may be a bit stand-offish.  A lot of B & Bs have a TV in your room.  Most rooms these days are en-suite with a private WC,  but check.  You'll have to make your judgement.  They are almost always cheaper than a hotel.

The second option is to find a pub that has a few rooms to let.  But beware that you are not misled by the name-board outside; calling a pub, 'a hotel'.  I personally think that it is a trades-description fraud, but it is a misuse of the language that is common in England.  Most pubs that let a few rooms, also do an evening meal.  But, again, the rule is ASK.

In Britain, credit cards are common.  But many retailers demand a surcharge for using a credit card as their margins are slim, and they can't afford the extra few percent charged by the card company.  I doubt that any DEBIT card you have would be accepted over here.  A lot of places do not accept American Express or Diners Club as their charges exceed VISA or Mastercard.  And small outlets like a B & B house will not have facilities to process a credit card.  Always have a few quid cash in your pocket.  I have never met a petrol station that did not accept credit cards.  I am not very familiar with getting cash in a foreign country.  I suggest carrying some Traveller's Cheques; you will be able to cash them at a bank.  But watch where you park, the second most common scam in Britain is perpetrated by traffic wardens.  It is always claimed that the do not work on bonus, but the zeal with which they operate, few people believe it

As for hotel and B&B prices, they vary quite a lot.  A four-star hotel may cost you a hundred pounds a night.  But that probably includes a full English breakfast.  A small pub/hotel will cost between thirty and fifty pounds a room for a couple.  Again, breakfast will probably be included.  The internet will allow you to plan a journey and get some firm prices.  There is a huge range of places to choose from, but don't be too adventurous with the time.  If you are travelling without a booking, start seriously looking before five PM.  I am assuming it will be a summer trip.  If you choose a winter month a lot of places will be closed and the weather in Britain can be terrible.  We don't get a lot of fogs these days, but it will probably be dark by 5 PM.

Almost all hotels and B&B rooms have a kettle and some tea and coffer bags plus long-life milk in mini-capsules and sugar; so that you can make tea of coffee.  The coffee will always be Instant Coffee, and with the kettle you can introduce yourself to our 13 amp plugs and sockets.  As a retired electrician I despise what the north Americans use for their electrical connections.  But our systems are different.  A lot of appliances are "plug-in" whereas many of yours are permanently wired.  Our system at 240V has to be more robust than yours.  240 volts kills, but it allows a three kilowatt appliance to be plugged into the wall.  Three kilowatts at 110 volts means that a socket would have ton carry 27 amps; and that is asking a lot of a domestic connection.

If you get talking to people, you may well think you are in a very foreign country.  There a a h#uge number of difference between American English and British English.  And I'm not just talking about spellings.  When it comes to the colloquial language of the common people, the difference really show up.  London English is probably the closest to North American English, but once you get into some of the communities away from the capital, they use words that will be totally unknown to you.  Here in the East Midlands for example, "a jitty" is a footpath.  To "be mardy" is to be miserable, and a host of other words.  Many of these local words are unknown to a Londoner, so they're bound to be unknown to you.  But there is enough commonality between our languages that you can always ask what they mean.

I think I have waffled on enough.  If you do decide to visit these shores, good luck  I have not talked about Scotland or Ireland.  But remember they are "Scotsmen" NOT "Scotchmen" unless you want to raise their hackles.  The differences between these two countries and England are not very great.  But if you venture into Northern Ireland, your greatest problem will be understanding the brogue of the people. You should have no problem in Dublin, however.  But if you end up in Newcastle, the very best of British, I can't understand them either.

Finally, if you have any questions, feel free to ask me on CDCNottm@AOL.com.  If I don't know the answer, I'll say so.  You may have noticed I have made very few categorical statements.  This is because so many variables occur, so this sentence is my DISCLAIMER.

Colin D Campbell
Wollaton Park
Nottingham