ADV       Department of Lunatic Affairs (DLA)                Approx Sept 2006

Nottingham City Council like to think that they are in the forefront of services to their Council Tax payers.  In some areas they are very good.  In others - - - just read on.  I am an asylum seeker from a Heathrow flightpath and remember The London Borough of Richmond-on-Thames Council.  When it comes to providing services for the elderly, I would guess that Nottingham are near the top.  And as part of their innovative pro-active behaviour, Nottingham is on the ball.

Wollaton Park Estate (where I live) (alternative name being "The Pothole Estate) is divided into two by Middleton Boulevard, that is part of the Nottingham Ring Road.  Why it is called a Ring Road is a bit of a mystery as if you look at the map, it is nothing like a ring.  The road comes under the Highways Agency who try to copy the Council's ethic of "plenty of potholes to match the speed-humps in other parts of the City".  A year ago the road was totally rebuilt.  It was stripped down to it foundation; and the renewal was very good, except that they were too mean to level the ironwork that had sunk unevenly over the years.  So the Highways Agency constructed a new road with the built-in equivalent of potholes.  It looks as if they tried to copy the Wollaton Road to the west of the Ringroad by leaving the sunken pieces of metal in place and building the road around them.

There may, of course, be another explanation for the potholes.  When any traffic hits a pot, it not only damages the vehicle's suspension, it also stresses the road just after the pot, more than would otherwise be the case.  This leads to premature wear, and a good trade-unionist tries to keep himself and his mates in work for the future.

But back to the Council.  The Queens Medical Centre is a nearby large hospital and has a large number of in-patients as well as a large outpatient clientele.  And like most hospitals these days they tax visitors by way of parking charges, as well as patients who arrive by car..  I am told that they also charge their staff to park at work.  So what do the staff  do? they find a nearby place to park their car while they earn their living at the hospital.  Orston Drive is the road on the City Side of the Boulevard, where nurses and others used to leave their car. The DLA got to hear of local protests and acted with alacrity.  They quickly set up a scheme for parking control and distributed leaflets to all the houses.  "All the houses" that is, except about ten percent that they missed..  At intervals along the road poles with a notice were erected.  The scheme was that every household got a small number of permits for free and they had to buy up to a certain number more.  There was a maximum number permitted.

It didn't take long for the absurdity of the scheme to be discovered..  Wollaton Park has a lot of elderly and disabled people living here.  Some of these folk have a care worker visit every day, or more than once a day..  In won't go into all the possible problems that this Chief Lunatic Council Officer introduced.  It took less than a week for the scheme to be abandoned.  How much Council Tax money has been wasted has not yet been released.  I suppose I could eventually get it it I went to the trouble of invoking the Freedom of Information Act

On another part of the estate there is a pedestrian alley between two roads.  A motor cycle was seen driving through this alley on one occasion despite two cast iron bollards that restrict access.  To go the long way round adds about a nile to the journey.  The DLA moved rapidly.  They erected a barrier that would stop perambulators, wide children buggies, and anything wider that about two feet, from passing through the gap.  Even a pedestrian has to sidle through as you will see if you look at the picture at the bottom of this page.  It's a pretty crumby picture but you can see the inverted-vee where the girl is standing  The weird contrivance must have cost several thousand pounds including digging up the asphalt and installing two ten-inch square wooden posts to provide stability for the twin inverted-vee structure.  It must only be a matter of time before the Council have to remove this absurdity.  But you can be sure they will resist.

It seems to be Council Policy to DO SOMETHING if a problem shows up.  And if that something causes more problems than it solves --- tough!  They can't then be accused of ignoring the problem.  Take road-humps.  There are a few motorists who do travel too fast in built-up areas.  Do something!  We don't mind if it causes some people distress as a passenger in a lurching car or ambulance, and causes excessive tyre wear and shortens the life of car suspensions. .  We have done something.  Like the USA in Iraq..  Saddam was a tyrant, the fact that trying to get rid of him has caused more deaths than it saved ----.  We've done something about it !  Aren't we good boys?
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November 2007

This estate was built in about 1928 to 1932 from open land.  It used to be part of Baron Middleton's Estate.  The Baron's early precursor arrived here in about 1400 (give or take).  In those days, of course, he would have had a small army of minders who would have put any peasants who objected firmly in their place; probably under several feet of soil.  The Ring Road referred to above has a complicated roundabout that is designed to confuse any motorist who has never seen it before. The roundabout used to be called "Raleigh Island" as the Raleigh Cycle Factory was nearby.  Since the demise of the cycle industry in Britain, the roundabout is now generally called the "Crown Island" as the Crown pub is the most notable building on the roundabout.  Like many pubs these days it calls itself 'a hotel' despite it being nothing of the sort.  I've often thought about complaining to the Trading Standards about this misleading name.  I was told by a barman that they occasionally get people trying to book a room.

In about 1400 where the Crown Island now is, there was a village, but I presume that the Baron's minders arranged for its removal.  But when Nottingham Council bought the Baron's entire estate in 1925 for two hundred thousand pounds, after the noble lord had got into money difficulties, one enterprising Councillor suggested that the village's name should be preserved by naming a road on this estate after the place.  So the main crescent that surrounds the estate is know known as Sutton Passeys Crescent.  Until recently the crescent was used as a rat-race for cars to avoid the regular jams on the Ring Road.  One good thing the Council has done is to stop the rat-race by making certain parts of the crescent , and another inner crescent, into no-entry junctions.  They have engineered the angle of the side road to make it near-impossible to enter fro the Ring Road.  Nottingham City Council is not consistent; some of the things it does command approval.

As I said, the estate was built in about 1930.  However, there appears to have been no resurfacing of any roads since that date until very recently.   Some of the roads had deteriorated to an extreme extent.  Sutton Passeys Crescent is one such road with parts of it outside the school, having the surface layer completely missing in large patches.  The second road that is in a terrible condition is this road, Scalford Drive.  About three months ago something triggered the Council to act, and they sent in teams of vehicles and workmen to resurface the pavements.  They have made quite a good job of most of the sidewalks on the estate.   They have also re-laid many of the kerbstones and removed the cracks and holes that provided enough collected soil for thistles and grass to become established.  One local joke is to ask whether one should complain to the highways department or to the parks department. They also put tactile tiles against lowered kerbs at most of the road-corners.  These are to allow almost-blind persons to know where to cross the road.  I find then useful too with my mobility scooter.

Sutton Passeys Crescent has been totally resurfaced for most of its length, and is now in a reasonable condition.  But one mystery remains:  why did they do every footpath on the estate except two?  And, you've guessed it, one of the roads that they have avoided is this one.  Before the recent work, it was the second worst road on the estate; it has now reached the top of its class being the worst road on the estate.  The adjacent road to this one has also been omitted., but the condition of the road is just "poor", it has not reached the status of "terrible" yet.

As I drive round the estate on my mobility scooter, I always use the road.  Naive observers tell me that it is safer to use the footpath.  But what they do not realise is that when you walk over rough ground on foot, you often do not realise how uneven the ground is.  Try driving across the same ground with a vehicle that has eight-inch wheels, and you will see what I mean.  Coupled with the fact that most pavements are on a significant slope, it feels as if you are driving along the side of a mountain with potholes to make you jerk and leap around while tilting sideways.  As I said, I drive in the road, usually in the middle as if I keep close to the kerb, there are other invisible traps such as places where the tarmac surface has sunk without disturbing to appearance of the road.  A sudden hollow four inches deep almost ejected me on to the pavement in one instance.  I retraced my path and could only just make out the hollow in the surface despite knowing where it was.  In a modern motor car the wheels are much larger making any hollow correspondingly less of a hazard.  The soft springing of a car is also one reason why the difference in ride quality is so great.

I am wondering if these two roads have been missed for the same reason that an elevated roadway in Cape Town ceased in the middle of a roundabout.  The money just ran out at that point and everybody just downed tools.  It is a tourist attraction in Cape Town,  It is a simple hazard in Wollaton Park demonstrating lack of planning by the Council.  If you ask one always gets convoluted obfuscatory replies.  I do believe that if there is a university degree in public administration, it will have a module on how to respond to awkward questions.