AAV                            Cruising with P&O

AAV                    Cruising with P&O

My wife and I are devotees of cruising; I will explain:

My mother decided to spend a little of her savings in the 1970s on trying a couple of cruises.  She had read somewhere that it was a life of luxury.  She had several including one on a Russian liner.  She had no complaints with the Rusky ship, but she didn't like their food. My mother wasn't very adventurous in her diet, and was a typical conservative in her menu.

Mother had another cruise on a Greek ship.  As she was alone, she arranged to share a cabin with a stranger.  This other woman was the widow of a mariner, and she knew quite a lot about boats.  It was on the first lifeboat drill that this other woman nudged my mother and said "look at the ropes on that lifeboat davit, that boat hasn't been lowered since the ship was launched".  My mother looked and noticed that the ropes and the pulleys were painted solid.  "This is the last time I will sail with this line" the woman remarked.

I lost my first wife to heart failure in January 1983 before moving to Nottingham.  Up here I met Beryl Krause and we got married in October 1998.  Using a lot of persuasion I managed to get Beryl to go on a cruise for our honeymoon.  She, like many people, was averse to water.  The thoughts of the Bay of Biscay was a nightmare to her.  We have now had six cruises and Beryl is totally hooked.  At the boarding shed at Southampton on this first cruise she approached the moored ship  with trepidation.  When she saw "the block of flats" ahead and a boarding ramp she plucked up courage and got on board.  It was the P&O MV Oriana.  It's a big boat; it had six lifts and two restaurants.  I don't know how may decks, but quite a lot.

This was my first cruise, if you discount the four I had between 1944 and 1948 courtesy of the British army when I went out and back twice to Bombay.  The Oriana doesn't have mess decks and hammocks, it is as close as you can get to a five star hotel at sea.

All six cruises have been on P&O, and I can personally vouch for the fact that this company is highly professional in everything it does.  It's true that they have been doing this sort of thing for about three hundred years, so they should have got it right by now  -- and they have!

P&O are the originators of the word "posh".  In Victorian times when married families often accompanied their soldier to India, the stevedores chalked P O S H on the trunks denoting "Port out, starboard home".  Before air conditioning, if you wanted to be out of the sun,  and could pay the excess fee, you travelled "posh".   P&O have a Posh Club that, for an annual fee, gives you some advantages on board.  I did join, but overall there is little to gain after you have paid yhe membership fee.  You have a little more chance to meet the skipper, but the shop discounts more or less equal the fee it costs you

The pleasures of cruising are unlikely to be known until you have sampled a good one.  I have no connection with P&O other than as a paying passenger.  But I do like to praise good service and I am not slow to throw brickbats if the service is poor.  You have to look very hard to find things to complain about with P&O.  I am going on a Fred Olsen cruise over Xmas 2004 because I would have to fly somewhere to find a P&O one.  I strongly favour Southampton to Southampton, although I did once fly to Athens to join a Princess Cruise (an associate company to P&O).  I may post that adventure on another page of this website some other time.  I have a  few minor brickbats for that cruise..

I'll list here some of the plus factors I have found rather that make a long story out of each one.

1    British law require that a lifeboat drill be performed with 24 hours of sailing.  P&O seem to do it on
      the day of sailing.

2    The only things that cost extra after your initial payment are:
       a    things from the shop
       b    hair-do, massage etc.
       c    shore trips.  These vary according to the trip.  From about twenty pounds to about two hundred
             pounds.  One trip I did not go on included a helicopter flight.
       d    medical treatment.  That is pricey.  Whether your insurance would cover things like a
             seasickness jab, I don't know.  But see below on the risks of seasickness.
       e    Booze, soft drinks, and wine.  A fruit juice at mealtime is free..

3    The big ships like the Oriana have stabilisers, and they work!  At breakfast one morning there was
      a PA announcement.  "Good morning, this is your captain speaking.  A note to put in your diary,
      we sailed through a Force Nine last night.  I did notice a slight rocking of the vessel, but it was
      definitely not unpleasant.

4    You can get a help-yourself cup of tea all day and night up in one of the upper lounges.  On one
      occasion, I ordered a pot of tea for two at three am using the bedside phone.  Ten minutes later a
      knock on the door and in came the tea and biscuits on a tray.  No charge!  I gave the waiter a        
      pound tip.

5    On the Oriana there are two sittings for dinner: 6.30 and 8.30pm.  There was quite a good a show
      every evening.  Two performances matched dinner times.

6    The daytime cinema showed fairly modern films.  There are all sorts of different talks,
      sometimes a cruise will have a theme and the events match that theme.  Politics, Fine art, African
      culture, Islamic culture, were a few of the themes I have seen.  Richard Baker conducted a musical
      theme on one cruise.

7    You might be shown how to build a ship in a bottle.  You might be shown how to tie a number of
      basic nautical knots.  I stymied that instructor by asking to be shown a "packers knot".  He'd never
      met it, but explained that seamen didn't normally make up packaging.  I asked the skipper if he
      could do a Turks Head.  It's an horrendous device that forms a big cushion-lump to stop small
      boats from bruising their sides in canal locks and the like.  He knew what the knot was said he
      may have known once upon a time, but that he had long forgotten how to do it.  (It is very
      elaborate, but not that difficult once you are shown.  I didn't expect him to know.)  I'm like that!

8    The larger boats have a self-service laundry.  You have to buy the soap powder in the shop, but
       everything else is free, including electric irons and ironing tables.  You can pay to have your
       laundry done, the cabin steward will make the arrangements.

9    As you board you are given a plastic ID card that serves as an on-board credit card, and an ID
      when you return to the ship from a shore visit.  At the end of the cruise you get a detailed log of
      everything you have bought and you can pay by: cheque with a bank card, a VISA or MasterCard
    , or cash.

10   Security is clever.  Your ID card has a bar code on it.  You poke the ID into a machine as you get
       off the ship, and the computer logs you off the boat.  As you return to the gangplank you are
       required to show your ID before you get onboard.  In the entrance lobby on board, you poke your
       ID into the machine again and in the background a crew member sees a picture of the owner of
       the ID.  If you lost it ashore, or were mugged etc, the gatecrasher would have to look like you to
       get onboard.  Not impossible, but most unlikely.

11    On our honeymoon trip I was allowed to look over the engine room.  One of the jokers had put a
        professional-looking cover on a manual with the words Haynes DIY servicing of MV Oriana.  For
        those that don't know, Haynes produce DIY manuals for almost every car on the British roads.

12    The shore trips that P&O lay on are just as professionally arranged.  On the trip down the West
        African coast we called at a port and visited a Voodoo village.  It was obviously a put-up show,
        but excellent nevertheless.  We had a police escort the whole way there and the whole way back. 
        I don't think it was a safety issue, rather to get us through the absurd traffic.  Had we missed the
        ship on return, it would have cost P&O a LOT OF MONEY.  P&O are in business for profit, but
        they don't cut corners.

13    On the subject of costs, the cheapest cabin cost about a hundred and thirty pounds a night per
        person.  If you think about the cost of a top London hotel, bed and breakfast would cost you more
        than that.  And on P&O you get superb food for three or four meals a day.  Plus all the other
        extras at no charge.  Quoting one of the 2005 brochures first page, there is a Panama &
        Mexican Riviera cruise of fifteen night from UK to UK.  Per person it starts at £1679 and rises to
        £4109.  There has to be two persons to a cabin.  The cheapest cabin is inside with a WC and
        shower.  The top price has a balcony and a bath.  Since our first cruise I have always chosen a
        cabin with a window.  This is about a third of the way up the price scale.

14    As regards service, the cabin steward makes the beds and generally attends to the guests.  He
        will deliver any notices or bills to your bed.  On most P&O vessels there is a daily newspaper
        giving all the news about shore visits, meal times, and telling you if it is a formal dress night (see
        below).  There is a book in each cabin giving all sorts of details about the ship and what is
        available on board.

15    Each cabin has a TV.  Various stations are available depending where you are on globe.  There
         is an on-board broadcast, and generally a forward view from a masthead camera.

16    As regards those persons who are apprehensive of sailing; I must say that Beryl was near the
         top of that list BEFORE she tried cruising.  I recently met a chap who narrowly missed being on
         board the Zeebrugge ferry that turned on its side as it left port due to a bow door being left
         open.  He was understandable apprehensive of sailing.  I would be very surprised is it was a
         P&O ferry.   I assure you that you are safer on a P&O cruise than you are in a car on the M25 or
         M6 in the rush hour   Whilst at sea every other day there is a crew training for an emergency
         event..  The PA system keeps passengers fully aware of crew training drills so that you don't get
         them muddled with a real thing.  Training consists of "man overboard", fire in the engine room",
         "passenger collapsed in the library", you name it!

17    A while back a TV company had a programme series "holidays from hell" followed by "cruises
            from hell".  One of the snippets was of a P&O boat that suffered a freak wave in the middle of
            the Atlantic that stove one of the cabin windows in and caused mayhem.  Personally, I suspect
            that a piece of wood accompanied the water. the windows are pretty solid.  The TV
            programme commented that many crew were wearing lifejackets but the passengers were not
            told to don theirs.  On the next cruise that were on another passenger who was on the unlucky
            vessel told us that P&O were close to suing the TV company for defamation.  Crew lifejackets
            are designed to be able to work in them.   Passenger lifejackets are designed for keeping
            people afloat if they had to enter the water.  My own deduction was that the litigation was
            "settled out of court".

18    On one occasion it was dark and we were a long way from shore.  The PA system announced
           that a helicopter was going to land on the foredeck at (they named the time) to pick up a very ill
           passenger.  Would onlookers PLEASE not use flash photography as it could prove to be
           dangerous in landing the chopper.  We once stopped at the bottom of Southampton Water
           while a launch took off a passenger who had become ill; his cruise ;lasted about twenty
           minutes!.  I  would imagine P&O have seen just about everything that was possible to happen
           at sea.   On a Baltic cruise, we couldn't  get into Stockholm harbour so we stood off shore
           about a mile, and passengers went ashore by lifeboat. to a Swedish Oil terminal.  This showed
           us what the lifeboats were like.  Not very prestigious, but ample for a short sea trip.  Coaches
           were laid on to take passengers to points of interest.  As I have a brother-in-law who lives in
          Stockholm, I used my mobile on deck the night before we landed, and he collected me in his car
          at this oil terminal.  Oil terminals are generally filthy places, this one in Sweden was like a small
          clean and tidy town.  In a restaurant in a Stockholm park I had reindeer meat for the first time
          ever. I can recommend a very good cruise agent who I have used for every cruise except the
          first one. They are based in the Chesterfield area and do most of their business by mail or
          telephone.  They get to know of most of the offers of the main cruise companies.

19     Finally, a word of warning.  Some of the cruises you see advertised are run by very suspect
         operators.  Always book with a company whose ships enter and leave British or American
         ports,  I  read of a case of an cruise liner that called in at Dover and was impounded by the dock
         authorities for being unseaworthy.  They held the vessel for weeks before releasing it after
         essential alterations were carried out.  I don't know what happened to the passengers.

20    Some people are put off a cruise as they believe to formality would be over-the-top.  These
         nights,  and there are only a few on each trip, only require the diner to dress neat and clean. 
         Some people  like to show off with prestigious dress suits and ball gowns, but if you are wearing
         a suit, you are perfectly OK.  I don't suppose you would be shown the door if you had a jacket
         and flannels, but you may feel a bit out of place.  Shorts and/or bare buff are taboo at all times in
         the dining room.  You would certainly be shown the door.

21    On the larger boats there are upstairs self-service food bars.  The grub is just as good as in the
        restaurant, but you serve yourself.  Again long slacks and a shirt are required.

22    You meet all sorts of people on board, that is one of the pleasures I found.  A London Taxi driver
         with his never-stop-talking Irish wife, a rugby international, a retired Grenadier guardsman
         warrant officer, an American Egyptian Jew.  I only found one person a bit snooty, the wife of an
         American lawyer.  She really showed herself up by insisting that she never used the word
         "gotten" and was proved wrong by our table companion.  (I am interested in the differences in
         language between the two sides of the Atlantic)

22    If anyone reading this essay wishes to ask me any questions, I will be pleased to reply.  Just call
        CDCNottm@AOL.com